Too Afraid to Speak

Stammering is something I have had to deal with my whole life. Since I can remember, I have always stuttered. Some days I can barely introduce myself, tell people my age and where I live. Some days I can speak fluently as if I never fell a victim of the dreaded stutter. Throughout Primary and Secondary School, I was laughed at and picked on for my difference - But it wasn't until I began University did my stutter really affect me.

When I first decided that I wanted to become a Journalist. People would ask me "Oh like one of them news readers on the telly?". The thought of this terrified me. The thought of me being on live television and having to read something out - makes my heart pound (and not in a good way). Even though I wouldn't be able to see those watching me. Just knowing that there were people watching me and listening to every word was haunting. now many people may be thinking? 

"Journalist have to speak. Why become one if you're so afraid?"

If I was afraid of speaking, I would never have been able to become the first of my family to go to university. I admit, meeting new people and being faced with confident and loud people has been a challenge. I remember one time during an ISHE class when we had a guest lecture. The lecture was about public speaking AKA my worst nightmare. She wanted us all to stand up one-by-one and introduce ourselves, tell everyone our age and one interesting fact about ourselves. As you can imagine the panic began. I worked myself up so much that wasn't able to participate in the task, which is something I still regret. After the class finished, I wished I could go back in and take part.

When meeting new people, they describe me as quiet. One thing I hate being described as because I'm really not. It's just the fear of getting stuck trying to say something and someone looking at me as if I am crazy and weird.

Starting from October, I am in my last year of University and it is going to be the most important and challenging year for me. Year 3 is the year which I will not let my stutter mute my opinions and thoughts and the word quiet won't be a word used to describe me.